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In a Seniors Guide advice column published Oct. 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old reader who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage marked by his wife’s long-term mental health struggles. Thomas does not tell him simply to leave; he encourages him to think through practical arrangements and seek support, including therapy.
Advice columnist R. Eric Thomas has responded to a 75-year-old reader who says he is considering leaving a 45-year marriage shaped by his wife’s long-term mental health difficulties, advising him to plan for both spouses’ futures rather than treat separation as a decision he must make alone. The column, published by Seniors Guide on Oct. 26, 2026, presents the reader’s account and Thomas’s guidance; it does not report a separation or independently verify the couple’s circumstances.
The reader, writing under the name “Self-imprisoned,” said his wife had received various forms of treatment for about 30 years for what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder. He said mental health professionals and close friends had told him the relationship was damaging his mental health and advised him to leave. Those details come from the letter and are not independently confirmed in the column.
He said he had stayed because of a vow, concern that his wife depended on him and fear of leaving at age 75. He described feeling compassion for her but not love or respect, and said he wanted the chance to have a healthy relationship in the time he has left. He also told Thomas he had no family to rely on, though he did have friends.
Thomas acknowledged the strain on both spouses and suggested the reader consider what leaving would involve in practical terms: where he would go and what he would do. He said a couple may be able to plan a different arrangement, and recommended the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Marriage Decision
The column addresses a dilemma that is not resolved by a simple instruction to stay or go: the reader describes emotional strain, caregiving responsibilities and fear of aging without family support. Thomas’s response shifts attention toward planning, including how each spouse might be supported if their current arrangement changes.
That distinction matters because ending a long marriage can involve practical questions alongside emotional ones. The column does not establish what services, finances, housing or care are available to this couple. Instead, it urges the reader not to approach the future as a decision that rests on him alone, and points toward professional help and trusted relationships.
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A Reader Seeks Advice at 75
The exchange appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” advice column, written by R. Eric Thomas. The original report is dated October 26, 2026 and reproduces a letter from a reader alongside Thomas’s response. Its format is a personal advice exchange, not a clinical assessment, investigation or report of a formal separation.
The reader said counselors had characterized the couple as codependent, a description he believed fit their relationship. Thomas did not assess or diagnose either spouse. He acknowledged that illness and caregiving strain may have altered the marriage, while suggesting the reader work with a therapist familiar with the relationship dynamic and consider a planned arrangement for both people.
““I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.””
— The reader, identified as “Self-imprisoned”
The Couple’s Plans Remain Unknown
The column does not say whether the reader or his wife has made any decision about their marriage, or whether they have acted on Thomas’s suggestions. It gives no details about their finances, housing, care arrangements, treatment providers or local support options. The wife’s diagnosis and treatment history are described by the reader; they are not independently verified, and Thomas does not offer a clinical judgment.
It is also unclear whether the reader has discussed separation logistics with the professionals and friends he cites, or whether a therapist with the relevant experience is available to the couple. The exchange does not establish what arrangement would be safe or workable for either spouse.
Support and Practical Planning
Thomas’s response points the reader toward two possible next steps: reading Beattie’s book and consulting a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. It also urges him to work through the practical questions behind a potential separation, including where he might live and what support each spouse would need.
No follow-up from the reader is included, and the column sets no deadline or reported next milestone. Whether the couple seeks counseling, changes their living arrangement or remains together is unknown.
Key Questions
What did the reader ask Eric Thomas?
He described a strained 45-year marriage, said he was considering leaving at age 75, and asked implicitly for guidance about staying in a relationship he viewed as codependent.
Did Thomas tell the reader to leave his wife?
No. Thomas asked him to think through what leaving would mean in practice and suggested planning for both spouses, seeking experienced therapy and drawing on support.
What does the column say about the wife’s mental health?
The reader described his wife as having treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and said she had received treatment for about 30 years. These are details from his letter, not independently verified findings.
Has the couple separated?
The column does not report a separation or say that either spouse has decided what to do. Their current and future living arrangements are not specified.
Source: seniorsguide.com
