VOICES: The Art Of Forgetting: Learning To See The Mother Who’s Still Here

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In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on Oct. 7, 2026, artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman recounts his mother’s dementia and the paintings he made in response. He says the work helped him stop trying to make her remember and focus instead on the connection that remains.

Artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman says a series of paintings inspired by his mother’s dementia helped him shift from trying to restore her memories to meeting her where she is. In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on Oct. 7, 2026, Fishman describes how his “Deconstructed Landscapes” and later “The Art of Forgetting” gave him a way to reckon with memory loss and preserve his attention on their relationship.

Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after she was widowed in 1999. She moved into independent living at about 91, but he initially interpreted changes in her behavior as ordinary aging. In late 2023, he visited her Florida apartment and found it in poor condition: the refrigerator was empty, and the home smelled of cat urine. He says she did not recognize the odor and insisted that everything was fine.

A neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, according to Fishman’s account. His mother rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing. Fishman says their regular phone calls had obscured how much her daily functioning had changed. He later persuaded her to move closer to family in Maryland, and she eventually moved to a memory care unit near his home.

As he struggled with anger, grief and guilt, Fishman returned to painting. He began painting landscapes repeatedly, removing details with each version until the scenes became less recognizable. He writes that the process came to represent his mother’s changing memory. Four paintings later formed the series he calls “The Art of Forgetting.”

Changing How He Visits His Mother

Fishman’s account describes a personal shift in caregiving: he says he stopped correcting his mother or treating each lapse as something he could reverse. Instead, he tries to enter her present experience. That distinction matters to readers facing dementia in a family because the essay shows how a caregiver’s expectations can shape everyday interactions, while remaining a personal account rather than clinical guidance.

He writes that memories may fade without a person disappearing. In his view, emotion, recognition and familiarity can remain meaningful parts of a relationship even as recall and practical abilities change. His paintings make that idea tangible for him: a landscape can lose detail and still retain color, shape and an impression of what was there.

From Daily Calls to Memory Care

Fishman says his mother had feared developing Alzheimer’s because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later. When Fishman’s mother remained well into her 90s, he believed she had avoided the same fate. He writes that he missed early signs partly because their phone conversations still sounded familiar.

After the neurologist’s diagnosis, the family faced practical and emotional challenges. His mother refused local assisted living, telling them, “Over my dead body.” Moving her to Maryland addressed some care arrangements, Fishman writes, but did not resolve his own distress. The painting series developed alongside that adjustment, as he tried to understand rather than fight what was changing.

““Over my dead body.””

— Robert G. Fishman, in his Being Patient essay

What the Essay Does Not Establish

The account is Fishman’s personal testimony, not a medical study or an evaluation of a dementia-care method. It does not identify the specific dementia type diagnosed beyond describing the neurologist’s assessment as early-stage dementia, nor does it provide details of formal testing, treatment or the mother’s current clinical status.

Being Patient’s published essay describes Fishman’s response and his interpretation of the paintings. It does not establish that art-making produces the same effects for other caregivers or people living with dementia. The source material also does not give a date for the mother’s move into memory care or describe her current abilities in detail.

Fishman’s Visits Continue

Fishman says he now visits his mother at the memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home and tries not to correct her when her recollections differ from his. The essay’s next step is not a reported clinical milestone; it is the ongoing work of maintaining their relationship as her condition changes.

He has also drawn on the experience in his “Art of Forgetting” paintings and the children’s book Bubby’s Still Here, according to Being Patient’s author description. The source does not announce a new exhibition, publication date or care-related development.

Key Questions

What is Robert G. Fishman’s essay about?

It recounts how Fishman responded to his mother’s dementia and how making landscape paintings helped him accept memory loss and focus on their relationship.

What diagnosis did Fishman’s mother receive?

Fishman writes that a neurologist diagnosed her with early-stage dementia. He says she rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing; the essay does not specify a dementia subtype.

What are “Deconstructed Landscapes”?

They are paintings Fishman made by reworking landscapes and removing details over successive versions. He later understood the process as reflecting his mother’s changing memory.

Where is Fishman’s mother now?

According to the essay, she moved into a memory care unit about 10 minutes from Fishman’s home. The source does not provide further detail about her current care or health status.

Source: rss